A friend was speaking to me today about the fact that he met young people who said they didn't want to be parents but wished they could be grandparents. He expressed confusion. He wanted to know what did these young people mean?
The obvious meaning is that they don't want the responsibility of being parents -- the fuss, the time, energy, mess, fear, anxieties of the most difficult job in the world -- they want to fast-forward past all that and just be grandparents -- people who can enjoy a child for a few hours or even a whole day or week but always be able to hand back Joey or Zoey to the parents who takes all the responsibility.
Grandparents also enjoy the freedom to love purely without the demands of parenting. Since you're not responsible for the food, the dentist, the tutor, the rules about eating, dress, behavior, etc. -- you can simply love!! It's very sweet. You can love children in an extremely wholesome and undemanding way for the kids are no longer consciously or unconsciously an extension of your ego -- your looks, brains, musical ability or whatever else you had planned for your child -- they can just be who they are. And, without the overlay of ego, grandparents usually have a real curiosity about this new individual who's entered in the world without the desire to shape him or her into anything else.
Unfortunately, however, for all young people who wish to leapfrog over parenting and go straight to grandparenting, that's not how it works. You don't become chef in a kitchen without learning how to boil water and peel onions and scrub pans. Parenting comes first -- with its peculiar delights and major difficulties. You earn grandparentdom like you earn wrinkles and white hair -- it's a reward, an honor to be accepted, appreciated, and relished. As it usually is...
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